Kids are Awful and Why You’re a Piece of Shit for Having Them


It’s an unpopular opinion to dump on kids; but I don’t care. Kids are fucking gross. They’re loud, stupid, tactless, disgusting, clumsy, and ugly. They don’t contribute anything to society for at least 18 years when they can finally do a somewhat adequate job of flipping my burger. They are quite literally leeches from the time they swim themselves through the cervix to the moment they finally remove their slimy lips from mommy and/ or daddy’s proverbial teat.

I have never understood the appeal of having children. It is essentially volunteering to bring a plague down unto your house. This is especially true of women. Why, as a woman, would you ever want to have children? It’s your body that gets ruined. It’s your body that accepts this parasite into your system and allows it to sup of your body’s resources before it proceeds to forcefully eject itself from your vagina. And if that’s not enough, afterwards, you’re left fat and saggy and with any manner of stretch marks and scars. Moreover, 50%(!!!!) of new mothers experience “the baby blues” with somewhere around 20% experiencing more serious postpartum depression. That’s a lot of fucking sadness for just having had one of the “best moments” of one’s life. And I haven’t even begun to pontificate upon the social norms women are held to that men certainly are not.

And for parents of both (or however many you believe exist) sexes, there’s the weight on your income, the loss of freedom, and the responsibility of having to be held accountable for anything the little ingrate does.

Wanna take that trip to the Bahamas? Sorry!

Wanna go out Friday night with your friends? Too bad!

That little piece of shit hit a baseball through the neighbor‘s window? Get ready to pay up!

So, why? Why do people want to have kids? The simple answer: ego. Oh, everyone needs to have a little version of themselves running around. What a completely narcissistic concept. People think they’re so great, that they deserve to perpetuate their bullshit bloodlines by procreating. Sure, if you’re truly an altruist and really want a kid, the adoption system is teeming with orphaned children that desperately need good homes, but almost nobody wants to engage in that. Why, it’s positively vital to the vast majority of people, to plop out their own little miscreant. Fuck those other needy kids; it’s all about my seed. What a horribly selfish thought.

And to what do parents think of those of us that don’t want children? Well, it’s incumbent upon us to subsidize their little vermin, of course. It’s up to us to foster their kids with my tax dollars. The child tax credit in 2020 was $2000 dollars. Mother fuckers get $2000 dollars for not wrapping up! Meanwhile, we childless get dick for not contributing to pollution, for not contributing to overpopulation, for not making the subway just a little more crowded, for not bringing another depressed soul into this fucked up world…

But it doesn’t stop there, we have to pay for their maternity/ paternity leave. We also have to pay for their schooling. We have to pay when incapable parents have kids anyway and put them up for adoption. We have to pay when incapable parents drive their kids to crime. We have to pay when people with shitty genes have a disabled child and they need government assistance for the rest of their lives. We’re supposed to pity all these people, but it was THEIR CHOICE to have children. Anyone with an IQ above a raccoon is well aware of the responsibility and troubles that can arise from having children and they choose to do it anyway. They CHOOSE to impose their children on the rest of us.

So, please, spare me the pictures of your hideous children. Spare me the boring ass stories of what your awkward, little pissant did over the weekend. Spare me the awkward situations in public when your child is acting like a little tyrant, screaming at the top of his lungs, or hopping about like he’s a fucking animal because you’re an inadequate parent that cannot keep them in line. It’s not fucking cute; it’s contemptible.

Do the non-shithead thing, and wrap your dick up, use contraceptives, and be PRO-CHOICE!

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